Stop.

29 January 2016

Today, I need to stop. I’ve been wanting to do this. 

I am puzzled with people who can go through week after week after week without having to question why they do what they do.

I am now a Pastor.

Four years ago, I was just busy blogging about life, marriage, and my relationship with God. Few years ago, I was busy surfing where to take swimming lessons, available dance studios, and open table tennis gym. I was busy making sure that I will get the best out of life: working, saving, learning new things, traveling, and .. being a wife.

Then, I was back in the ministry. My desire for something bigger was awaken. The call of God that has captivated my past present and future self has energized my rather ordinary life.

Since then year after year, God has led me to a place of pure satisfaction. A place where I can say, life is wonderful by itself. I did not need entertainment to fill my curious soul. Days were like movies never been told. Most days were challenging, others are dramatic. There are some days when God surprises you with His love and power. There are a lot of days of learning. There are a few days you want to just quit.

I did not recognize how we, I and my husband were getting old. We are just going through this journey day after day after day. There were moments we are doing ministry but not being ministers. We were like hired workers doing the things we do because we have no choice.

I am paid to function as a full-time Pastor. But being a Pastor is more than just a function. I need to constantly remind myself of why I am here in the first place. I am called.

We, through our professions, are called by God. To fully enjoy our work, to some extent, you have to embrace what you do so you can become who God called you to be.

It’s easy to follow up. It’s easy to communicate, (most of the time), it’s easy to shake hands and give your smile to everyone. It’s somehow easy to write scripts or organize activities.

But it’s not easy to always love.

And this is what I want to thank my Pastors for. I realized that to be a Pastor is to fully allow God to change you so you can be used for the change of others.

This process is normally, not without pain.

As a pastor, you have to quickly learn how to surrender what people call as rights.

You adjust fast. You forgive at once. You take care of yourself well. You recuperate from pain in a day. You get up every Sunday morning no matter what. You guard your heart at all cost. You will always have to walk closely to God so you’d know when to dream big and to stay satisfied. You will learn how to always tap on that positive side of you even if you don’t feel like doing it. You have be both wise and nice, strong and sweet.

These things are not only not easy. They are pretty much impossible.

That’s what I thank God for. In the middle of these impossibilities, I am still alive today.

Praise God for His unchanging grace.

It’s wonderful to see how privileged ministers are. They get to see a miracle, every day.. up close and personal. They get to see God change their very lives.

I am ready to move forward again. 

Cloudy

It’s this time of the year.

It’s that moment of fear You’re not near.

It’s this time of the year I cry without tears.

Been busy all lifelong.

Been fighting, not stopping running strong.

Been loving, yet losing the song of my soul.

Hope that is seen is not.

Hope at times moves you to doubt.

Hope waits despite the unsought for drought.

I plead You, speak now, I am listening. 

I ask You, move now, I am waiting. 

I thank You now, You are listening. 

Away from self torture

There's no other way but forgiveness.

Marriage may be many things but it cannot be without forgiveness. The best chocolate is never the sweetest. Sometimes some bitter and salty taste makes it just the perfect one.

All deep relationships are rooted on a cycle of saying sorry, doing the same mistake, saying sorry again and hopefully learning from them.

Today, God taught me how to deal with offense. It hurts like crazy but the Holy Spirit was with me, certainly. I asked, "Lord please help me take this matter in a mature way; this can no longer be hidden under my pillow of tears."

God led me to communicate to my husband exactly how I felt about the issue and SUDDENLY, peace just surrounded me.  Pain had lost its sting on me.

Sometimes when things are unfair, several ideas come to mind on how to heal our hearts. Our antidote is composed of attack or escape and revenge or neglect.

If  I only learned earlier to let the Spirit represent me, I would have spared myself from unnecessary tears and  self torture.

Does doubting offend the Lord?

How do we affirm the call without doubting it?

In this day and age when an increasing number of young people profess to have received a Word from the Lord, there is a need to verify. This is not out of disbelief but out of high regard to the task.  It has been said that the Lord qualifies the unqualified. How do we close the gap between that and the quality assurance prerequisites? Aspiring pastors have to allow God to lead them to a process of preparation before stepping up to the position. The church cannot afford to take risks on an unchanged leader. 

Without hearing from the Lord, it makes all other qualifications worthless. If one is certain and unshakable with the calling, it is a good start. There is also a collection of job qualifications. Some of these are innate but most are achieved through life training. Basically, everything boils down to this: the certainty of the call from the perspective of God and man, verified by qualifications. 

Re-checking is not doubting the call but defending it from doubts. It takes courage and wisdom to face the question without questioning if it really was God who made the call.

Loving the invisible in the visible

⁸ I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    nor will you let your faithful^[b] one see decay.
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand. -Psalms 16

How many times have we fixed our eyes on anything but God?

People will certainly fail us. Situations will disappoint us. Even our concept of love and goodness has its limit.

At work, even our closest friend will not fit in to our idea of  a perfect colleague. He may appear to be loyal to you but when things get rough, he will certainly do what's best for himself...we all do.

In church, no matter how mature a sister or a brother in Christ is, there will be moments you'll remember how something divine is still on flesh.

At home, it's surprising how too much intimacy can cause people to drift apart. It will take more than a lifetime to know how to love perfectly.

It's easier to love our God whom we've known to be perfect. But to love a man... it calls for wisdom. Psalms 16 reminds me to look unto Jesus, not to ignore and escape from the imperfect world but to see that the answers are in His presence. As we gaze upon Him, we'll have a better understanding of how humanity fell short to the glory of God.

The goal is not to compare people with God- because it is utterly unreasonable. But even if we do compare, we will realize how much grace has been given even to the person we hated the most.

At worst, if we can't see any degree of goodness in a person, look unto God inside that person. If we can't love the visible how can we love The Invisible?

There may be pain in loving but there can never be joy in hating.

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When pressure is all around

Philippians 4: 6-7

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. 
 The Message

Stop

Sit for a while stand stronger tomorrow
You are doing better
Don't step back further
Stop for a while move swifter tomorrow

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