3 :)

Above

"You’re only One that matters.

Your voice is all I need."

When  my heart's out of oxygen

Evening covers the day

Flowers forget to bloom

Oceans dry up

I’ll lift my voice

Dance in the rain

Worship arises from the unknown

Praises resound from Your silence

Sweetness abounds in bitter fruits

Fire ablaze underwater

Air never stops

The Sun was never dark

Stars have not kissed the ground

Trees grow not upside down

You are God.

Home sweet home

 I just realized that it's actually good to stay at home.
 
                                     You can eat freshly prepared meals.

                                  
                                   
                        Eat as much ice cream as you want while watching movies.

                                             

                                            Cook food the way you want.

                                                   

                                         Have easy to prepare breakfast.

                                                                 

                                               Try new recipes.

And live a healthy life.

Background

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. – James 3:1

Lord, I know that You have called me. I know who You are in my life. You are Lord over all. Lord over my thoughts, my feelings, my actions.

Yesterday when I shared what You have told me, it wasn’t what I prepared. There are portions I wasn’t able to emphasize. There were details I gave so much time discussing. I was so organized having an excellent outline. But things weren’t the same when I faced Your people. I did not look too much on my notes. I just shared my heart out.

Lord, You know how much I loved to preach. You designed me to be who I am now. But now Lord these thoughts of insecurity just come non-stop. Father, get me back to my feet again.

I don’t need to hear the praises of men. My mind keeps on thinking about the gaps and lapses in my teaching. 

Lord, I am talking like a fool now because I am thinking that it was “my” preaching. Father let me always see You,speak words from You, do everything by You and for You.

Let me not evaluate myself too much to the point of taking You out of the scene. I am still gonna follow You. I love You.

Let me learn from what happened but help me forget the feeling of being a failure. This is Your show, I am just the background

I wanna be a monk

I grew up at a time when being a Christian is uncommon- sometimes a good thing but at times not. A lot of  unchurched people were not open to my kind of spirituality. About 15 years ago, when you meet somebody who says he is a Christian, you automatically feel comforted that you are not alone, that you found a relative. These days, many profess to be a Christian, a born-again Christian for that matter. It’s fashionable. It’s easy. Less rules more grace. Less actions more faith.

 During the earlier church, the response to this is monasticism. Because of the lax in standards (caused by massive pagans being converted bringing them their beliefs and manner of worship into Christianity), those who had been raised in a Christian family/setting felt the need to do more, to sacrifice more, to pursue godliness all the more. 

I believe that today, we can also learn from the monks. We don’t need to be surrounded by brick walls but let us put strong boundaries from unholy lifestyles. We are not required to live in patterns or monotony but let us discipline ourselves to seek God in everything.  

This is an impossibility without His grace.  Grace abounds in need. If we are not doing anything, we don’t need much of it. But if we actively pursue the things of God, the more that we need this grace… and the more that we are given. 

Amnesia

I  feel like having an amnesia

My heart beats not the way it used to

I’m thinking about breathing

I am walking and counting

The flowers have died

The stars did collide

Chocolates taste ordinary

My feet, stationery

I'm wondering at wander land

Memories become like sand

Blown by the wind out of my hand

I even forgot how to stand

Sweet words are history

Our love sounds sorry

Touches come less

Generosity is at rest

Can the pieces of the good past

Recover the present, make it last?

Can the smiles of yesterday

Push this winter away

Now I understand why love is blind

With closed eyes let your heart decide

Then let your spirit coincide

And your flesh die inside

Disbelief

The only thing that separates us from the blessings that God has already given is disbelief. Faith is the currency of heaven. It’s hard to believe that everything has already been provided but this is the truth. This is the reason why we are asked to pray with thanksgiving instead of always pleading. We praise God for He has already given all we could ever need. The supply came before the need. 

Although I have already prayed, I am threatened.  I am afraid of the debts we have incurred because of wrong decisions in the past. I am discouraged of the fact that despite of us adjusting our lifestyle, this mountain of debt seems to stay. I am disappointed of myself not being able to take control. I can’t wait to see God take us out from here. This is me. This is what I feel.

But, I now choose to look to Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I choose not to embrace the consequences when I can tap to the grace of my Father. I say grace because we don’t deserve to be pardoned because we chose to overspend. Yet, I hold on to my God instead of being solely responsible. I used to believe that I have to pay for every mistake I have done instead of surrendering to God who can actually lift the burden from my shoulders. We repented, we learned our lesson, we ask for grace and believe for it. My confidence is in God. The goodness of God just overwhelms me. He’s like supppppeeeer good. This is the essence of Jesus being our Savior.

If I don’t have faith, I am not a Christian.