Heart on a threshing floor

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Refocus

After a period of coldness, suddenly, this empty vessel reminds me of my nothingness. I wonder how God feels whenever we try to fill this heart with anything but Him. I bet He feels pity looking on me trying to pursue things that won’t really satisfy. More than being jealous I think He feels hurting to see this painful sadness eating me up. He doesn’t want to push me to love Him, He simply knows that only He can make me happy, He wanted to reach out because that would make me fulfilled. God was never selfish. It’s hard to accept these truths. Even while writing this, my mind tells me how self centered the previous sentences were. But that is how God loves, always toward to the object of His affection. I can’t understand. He stays there, quiet and waiting, while I run away exposing myself to every sort of shame. Lately, God is speaking to my heart not in words I am so familiar of, but in His silence. It wakes my humanity from long slumber. I miss the Lord. I miss my God.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Been out for some time

For this month, life has been tough and rough. Now I am writing again to tell everyone that Jesus is alive. He has worked in ways very surprising.

Stormy marriage occupied and clouded my thoughts. I am being taught about forgiveness lately and it was the most difficult lecture I have heard so far. I mean I am not just hearing about it, I had to learn it through the bruises in my heart. God has made people's marriage really imperfect so we could only look up to Him and say,"Oh I almost forgot, this marriage isn't about us, but about You displaying Your love, Your mercy, Your grace". The moment you forgot about God (in all human relationships) is the moment you actually lose those people you thought you are related with.

There is no human relationship that will truly flourish without the Lord. Nothing. Love binds relationships, God is love, without God, you have nothing to do with each other. You'll just hurt yourselves till you bleed to death.

However, God is not the magic formula so we could get along with each other. God is not only The Source of love, but He is the reason why we love. By that I mean, we need to learn how to consciously love the other person simply because we love Who made that person.
Images from:
http://www.inmagine.com/tt093/tt3602704-photo
http://www.inmagine.com/culs095/culs095928-photo

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Funny sistah

After I posted our photos when we were kids, I missed her terribly that I woke up one day and decided to see her at all cost. Our budget may not be enough that time for treating her in a good resto but we had a good time. My husband was so facinated by how we exchange stories of the past and the present. I don't know but whenever we reunite, sharing makes us feel at home in an instant. We don't even care how animated we look like. We freely show our emotions like nobody else is around.

When the night was over, we were crying as we said our goodbyes. She reminded me, "Dati magkatabi lang tayo matulog no?" Tears started to roll down on my cheeks and they became unstoppable. We both live in the Metro but our distance is exaggerated by lack of chance to meet. I regret that we didn't really grew up together. I was so independent that I don't know if I have influenced my sister to any degree. Our irregular family set up has caused us to stand strong whether alone or not. There wasn't a choice. My heart's prayer is for her to settle down with somebody who God really wants for her. I pray that they would build a family that we never had. I bet God has also a gift for her, somebody whom God will use to let her feel how lovely girl she truly is.

For me, she's still the smartest kid I've ever played with.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Keep your hands off my food!

God tested my kindness. I was extremely hungry by the time I arrived work. I bought a slice of rice cake for my brunch. At the pantry, everybody was doing their personal stuff before the class, I sat on the corner. I took out my fork and said, “kain”. I know that you know this simply means, “I'm gonna have my meal now, excuse me.”

I am very sensitive when it comes to my utensils. My husband and I seldom eat on the same plate and he seldom takes whatever I am eating. I like the way he respects me. My officemates are not like my husband.

I asked one of them, “Gusto mo? May tinidor ka?” (Wanna try? Do you have fork?). Then she grabbed MY fork and tried once, then again, and again, and again. She even asked others to try. I went out of the room pretending that I don't mind. When I came back, one of them told me that she was sorry that MY fork fell on the floor.

I don't know but somehow I felt disrespected. Suddenly I remembered I had offended one of my officemates few months ago. She was having her lunch and I interrupted her. I said, “You told me before that you don't usually eat here at the pantry? But you're here.” I said it in a nice tone. It was actually my way of saying “hi”. But she exploded. She began to say a lot of words I wish to forget. Our 'used to be good' relationship was never the same again after that day. After some time, she confessed that she was just in a bad mood and my comment appeared to be a wrong timing. Lesson learned, never interrupt a person while he/she is eating because hunger drives everyone crazy, literally.

Anyway, getting back to my story, what was left for me was a small slice of my rice cake and my fork with strangers' saliva. Since it's already time to go to our respective stations, no one was left at the pantry. Alone, I said to my self, attitude check? - failed.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

ate:)

I miss my sister.

When we were younger, we had no one but each other.

We never felt alone.

Everything was fun.

She was pretty. I was strong. She was attractive. I was sociable.

We were always excited for our birthday.

We never got insecure.

We fight a lot of times but we still share the same room at the end of the day.

We loved playing with our Tita's make up kit. They were like crayons and water color.

We were competitive.

Back then, we thought we could achieve anything, everything.

now waiting for our latest picture.....

the children and the dogs

Matthew 15:21-28

New International Version (NIV)

The Faith of a Canaanite Woman

²¹ Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. ²² A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” ²³ Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
²⁴ He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
²⁵ The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
²⁷ “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

These verses were not meaningful to me as they are now. I can hear the desperation on the mother's voice. I can almost hear her crying her heart out while nobody cared. She was utterly neglected, ignored. Her background could have disqualified her from being near the Miracle-worker. Even the people around Jesus just noticed her because they she started to get into their hair. You see, all the disciples could do was to be humans, go by the rules and treat people as to what they deserve. But Jesus is Lord. He went beyond our human tendency to discriminate, He loves mercy.

In the text, Jesus did not say anything at first. Like those days when we were at our lowest and our cries were beyond control, yet no single word form the Lord was heard? After reading it, I can feel the heart of the Lord. He was so into helping the mother but He stretched out her faith at its best. If Jesus just gave away what He was being asked to do, then the mother will get the miracle but not get the whole point of it. When God doesn't say a word that doesn't mean He doesn't have a message. It's beyond words, feel His heartbeat, there you'd find the truth. It beats you. He has your prayers in his heart.

I perceive this event as one of the most powerful evangelism known. Jesus showed what the Law was offering. To make things worse on the sight of many, He even gave an illustration on her position in life. People around may always give us a picture of ourselves lower than we actually are. We may see our feet standing on a wrong ground, miles away from heaven, far from righteousness but hey!. He so longs to save us- both the children and the dogs.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Laiya-

The one on the left is fish marinated in a very tasty sauce I can't identify. The pansit on the other hand is equally impressive. It has sesame oil all over. The best I've tasted, I must say.