After a period of coldness, suddenly, this empty vessel reminds me of my nothingness. I wonder how God feels whenever we try to fill this heart with anything but Him. I bet He feels pity looking on me trying to pursue things that won’t really satisfy. More than being jealous I think He feels hurting to see this painful sadness eating me up. He doesn’t want to push me to love Him, He simply knows that only He can make me happy, He wanted to reach out because that would make me fulfilled. God was never selfish. It’s hard to accept these truths. Even while writing this, my mind tells me how self centered the previous sentences were. But that is how God loves, always toward to the object of His affection. I can’t understand. He stays there, quiet and waiting, while I run away exposing myself to every sort of shame. Lately, God is speaking to my heart not in words I am so familiar of, but in His silence. It wakes my humanity from long slumber. I miss the Lord. I miss my God.
