Stop.

29 January 2016

Today, I need to stop. I’ve been wanting to do this. 

I am puzzled with people who can go through week after week after week without having to question why they do what they do.

I am now a Pastor.

Four years ago, I was just busy blogging about life, marriage, and my relationship with God. Few years ago, I was busy surfing where to take swimming lessons, available dance studios, and open table tennis gym. I was busy making sure that I will get the best out of life: working, saving, learning new things, traveling, and .. being a wife.

Then, I was back in the ministry. My desire for something bigger was awaken. The call of God that has captivated my past present and future self has energized my rather ordinary life.

Since then year after year, God has led me to a place of pure satisfaction. A place where I can say, life is wonderful by itself. I did not need entertainment to fill my curious soul. Days were like movies never been told. Most days were challenging, others are dramatic. There are some days when God surprises you with His love and power. There are a lot of days of learning. There are a few days you want to just quit.

I did not recognize how we, I and my husband were getting old. We are just going through this journey day after day after day. There were moments we are doing ministry but not being ministers. We were like hired workers doing the things we do because we have no choice.

I am paid to function as a full-time Pastor. But being a Pastor is more than just a function. I need to constantly remind myself of why I am here in the first place. I am called.

We, through our professions, are called by God. To fully enjoy our work, to some extent, you have to embrace what you do so you can become who God called you to be.

It’s easy to follow up. It’s easy to communicate, (most of the time), it’s easy to shake hands and give your smile to everyone. It’s somehow easy to write scripts or organize activities.

But it’s not easy to always love.

And this is what I want to thank my Pastors for. I realized that to be a Pastor is to fully allow God to change you so you can be used for the change of others.

This process is normally, not without pain.

As a pastor, you have to quickly learn how to surrender what people call as rights.

You adjust fast. You forgive at once. You take care of yourself well. You recuperate from pain in a day. You get up every Sunday morning no matter what. You guard your heart at all cost. You will always have to walk closely to God so you’d know when to dream big and to stay satisfied. You will learn how to always tap on that positive side of you even if you don’t feel like doing it. You have be both wise and nice, strong and sweet.

These things are not only not easy. They are pretty much impossible.

That’s what I thank God for. In the middle of these impossibilities, I am still alive today.

Praise God for His unchanging grace.

It’s wonderful to see how privileged ministers are. They get to see a miracle, every day.. up close and personal. They get to see God change their very lives.

I am ready to move forward again.