Amnesia

I  feel like having an amnesia

My heart beats not the way it used to

I’m thinking about breathing

I am walking and counting

The flowers have died

The stars did collide

Chocolates taste ordinary

My feet, stationery

I'm wondering at wander land

Memories become like sand

Blown by the wind out of my hand

I even forgot how to stand

Sweet words are history

Our love sounds sorry

Touches come less

Generosity is at rest

Can the pieces of the good past

Recover the present, make it last?

Can the smiles of yesterday

Push this winter away

Now I understand why love is blind

With closed eyes let your heart decide

Then let your spirit coincide

And your flesh die inside

Disbelief

The only thing that separates us from the blessings that God has already given is disbelief. Faith is the currency of heaven. It’s hard to believe that everything has already been provided but this is the truth. This is the reason why we are asked to pray with thanksgiving instead of always pleading. We praise God for He has already given all we could ever need. The supply came before the need. 

Although I have already prayed, I am threatened.  I am afraid of the debts we have incurred because of wrong decisions in the past. I am discouraged of the fact that despite of us adjusting our lifestyle, this mountain of debt seems to stay. I am disappointed of myself not being able to take control. I can’t wait to see God take us out from here. This is me. This is what I feel.

But, I now choose to look to Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I choose not to embrace the consequences when I can tap to the grace of my Father. I say grace because we don’t deserve to be pardoned because we chose to overspend. Yet, I hold on to my God instead of being solely responsible. I used to believe that I have to pay for every mistake I have done instead of surrendering to God who can actually lift the burden from my shoulders. We repented, we learned our lesson, we ask for grace and believe for it. My confidence is in God. The goodness of God just overwhelms me. He’s like supppppeeeer good. This is the essence of Jesus being our Savior.

If I don’t have faith, I am not a Christian.