Does doubting offend the Lord?

How do we affirm the call without doubting it?

In this day and age when an increasing number of young people profess to have received a Word from the Lord, there is a need to verify. This is not out of disbelief but out of high regard to the task.  It has been said that the Lord qualifies the unqualified. How do we close the gap between that and the quality assurance prerequisites? Aspiring pastors have to allow God to lead them to a process of preparation before stepping up to the position. The church cannot afford to take risks on an unchanged leader. 

Without hearing from the Lord, it makes all other qualifications worthless. If one is certain and unshakable with the calling, it is a good start. There is also a collection of job qualifications. Some of these are innate but most are achieved through life training. Basically, everything boils down to this: the certainty of the call from the perspective of God and man, verified by qualifications. 

Re-checking is not doubting the call but defending it from doubts. It takes courage and wisdom to face the question without questioning if it really was God who made the call.

Loving the invisible in the visible

⁸ I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    nor will you let your faithful^[b] one see decay.
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand. -Psalms 16

How many times have we fixed our eyes on anything but God?

People will certainly fail us. Situations will disappoint us. Even our concept of love and goodness has its limit.

At work, even our closest friend will not fit in to our idea of  a perfect colleague. He may appear to be loyal to you but when things get rough, he will certainly do what's best for himself...we all do.

In church, no matter how mature a sister or a brother in Christ is, there will be moments you'll remember how something divine is still on flesh.

At home, it's surprising how too much intimacy can cause people to drift apart. It will take more than a lifetime to know how to love perfectly.

It's easier to love our God whom we've known to be perfect. But to love a man... it calls for wisdom. Psalms 16 reminds me to look unto Jesus, not to ignore and escape from the imperfect world but to see that the answers are in His presence. As we gaze upon Him, we'll have a better understanding of how humanity fell short to the glory of God.

The goal is not to compare people with God- because it is utterly unreasonable. But even if we do compare, we will realize how much grace has been given even to the person we hated the most.

At worst, if we can't see any degree of goodness in a person, look unto God inside that person. If we can't love the visible how can we love The Invisible?

There may be pain in loving but there can never be joy in hating.

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When pressure is all around

Philippians 4: 6-7

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. 
 The Message

Stop

Sit for a while stand stronger tomorrow
You are doing better
Don't step back further
Stop for a while move swifter tomorrow

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3 :)

Above

"You’re only One that matters.

Your voice is all I need."

When  my heart's out of oxygen

Evening covers the day

Flowers forget to bloom

Oceans dry up

I’ll lift my voice

Dance in the rain

Worship arises from the unknown

Praises resound from Your silence

Sweetness abounds in bitter fruits

Fire ablaze underwater

Air never stops

The Sun was never dark

Stars have not kissed the ground

Trees grow not upside down

You are God.

Home sweet home

 I just realized that it's actually good to stay at home.
 
                                     You can eat freshly prepared meals.

                                  
                                   
                        Eat as much ice cream as you want while watching movies.

                                             

                                            Cook food the way you want.

                                                   

                                         Have easy to prepare breakfast.

                                                                 

                                               Try new recipes.

And live a healthy life.

Background

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. – James 3:1

Lord, I know that You have called me. I know who You are in my life. You are Lord over all. Lord over my thoughts, my feelings, my actions.

Yesterday when I shared what You have told me, it wasn’t what I prepared. There are portions I wasn’t able to emphasize. There were details I gave so much time discussing. I was so organized having an excellent outline. But things weren’t the same when I faced Your people. I did not look too much on my notes. I just shared my heart out.

Lord, You know how much I loved to preach. You designed me to be who I am now. But now Lord these thoughts of insecurity just come non-stop. Father, get me back to my feet again.

I don’t need to hear the praises of men. My mind keeps on thinking about the gaps and lapses in my teaching. 

Lord, I am talking like a fool now because I am thinking that it was “my” preaching. Father let me always see You,speak words from You, do everything by You and for You.

Let me not evaluate myself too much to the point of taking You out of the scene. I am still gonna follow You. I love You.

Let me learn from what happened but help me forget the feeling of being a failure. This is Your show, I am just the background

I wanna be a monk

I grew up at a time when being a Christian is uncommon- sometimes a good thing but at times not. A lot of  unchurched people were not open to my kind of spirituality. About 15 years ago, when you meet somebody who says he is a Christian, you automatically feel comforted that you are not alone, that you found a relative. These days, many profess to be a Christian, a born-again Christian for that matter. It’s fashionable. It’s easy. Less rules more grace. Less actions more faith.

 During the earlier church, the response to this is monasticism. Because of the lax in standards (caused by massive pagans being converted bringing them their beliefs and manner of worship into Christianity), those who had been raised in a Christian family/setting felt the need to do more, to sacrifice more, to pursue godliness all the more. 

I believe that today, we can also learn from the monks. We don’t need to be surrounded by brick walls but let us put strong boundaries from unholy lifestyles. We are not required to live in patterns or monotony but let us discipline ourselves to seek God in everything.  

This is an impossibility without His grace.  Grace abounds in need. If we are not doing anything, we don’t need much of it. But if we actively pursue the things of God, the more that we need this grace… and the more that we are given. 

Amnesia

I  feel like having an amnesia

My heart beats not the way it used to

I’m thinking about breathing

I am walking and counting

The flowers have died

The stars did collide

Chocolates taste ordinary

My feet, stationery

I'm wondering at wander land

Memories become like sand

Blown by the wind out of my hand

I even forgot how to stand

Sweet words are history

Our love sounds sorry

Touches come less

Generosity is at rest

Can the pieces of the good past

Recover the present, make it last?

Can the smiles of yesterday

Push this winter away

Now I understand why love is blind

With closed eyes let your heart decide

Then let your spirit coincide

And your flesh die inside

Disbelief

The only thing that separates us from the blessings that God has already given is disbelief. Faith is the currency of heaven. It’s hard to believe that everything has already been provided but this is the truth. This is the reason why we are asked to pray with thanksgiving instead of always pleading. We praise God for He has already given all we could ever need. The supply came before the need. 

Although I have already prayed, I am threatened.  I am afraid of the debts we have incurred because of wrong decisions in the past. I am discouraged of the fact that despite of us adjusting our lifestyle, this mountain of debt seems to stay. I am disappointed of myself not being able to take control. I can’t wait to see God take us out from here. This is me. This is what I feel.

But, I now choose to look to Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I choose not to embrace the consequences when I can tap to the grace of my Father. I say grace because we don’t deserve to be pardoned because we chose to overspend. Yet, I hold on to my God instead of being solely responsible. I used to believe that I have to pay for every mistake I have done instead of surrendering to God who can actually lift the burden from my shoulders. We repented, we learned our lesson, we ask for grace and believe for it. My confidence is in God. The goodness of God just overwhelms me. He’s like supppppeeeer good. This is the essence of Jesus being our Savior.

If I don’t have faith, I am not a Christian. 

Pick me up

Wasting this life to nothing as I give it to the world
Sad music echoes in this temple empty of you Lord
In Your presence my God I desire to grow old and strong
My soul's satisfaction is only when I'm with You all day long

I cannot stand another second without You
Running after my dreams make me forget You
Only to realize that they are of no value
God, Your love is the only one that is true

As I look to heaven witness the goodness of my Father
All my worries and fear just go away farther
Time is running out and souls are falling out
Lord Jesus, make use of this life, I wanna be a light

One of those crazy days

     And so it is Friday and it's the 13^th day of the first month of this year. Suddenly, I am inspired to write. I feel like suppressing these disturbing ideas (acting like raging hormones) that I can't keep inside this rather tiny skull.

       Identity crisis has its way of stopping my rhythm. I thought I have moved past this problematic adolescence stage. As I plan to write further, I paused and ask myself if I can really define what identity crisis is. Perhaps I am misusing the term. I am pertaining to the constant dilemma of thinking about self. There has always been a longing to look inward and investigate on this personality God gave me. I don't know how much of me was a result of my doing and how much of me is really God given.

     Months before December until the first week of this year, I was everywhere: from family reunions to friends' get together, and to parties that caused me tiring happiness.  Now that I finally got the chance to stop, I stumbled.  I am not actually walking straight on the exact path God wanted me to walk on but I stumbled while I was on the opposite side of the so called narrow road. Talk about double trouble.

     I was thinking whether it is better to run without a purpose or to just lie flat on the right ground but closer to the Lord. Would it be be more acceptable to stay "less" sinless in a place where God didn't call you to stay than struggling but moving closer to the Lord? Has sin really has the capacity to even push us towards the holiness of God? Isn't it sin that caused our separation to the Lord? Can sin really magnetize us to the  grace of the Lord?

    I failed to sustain the “good” performance I had the previous months. Just like any self professed Christian, guilt was only recognized after the act. Perhaps guilt had already been there before and during the temptation but the call for self gratification was way louder. I slept on the issue. I chose not to say sorry because I felt I wasn't really sorry to the Lord. I was telling myself that God would feel worse if I apologize for the thing that I so freely did a minute before.  I heard so many voices. I couldn't identify which one is mine, the Lord's or the enemy's. I knew what's gonna happen after every fall.  I will stay away from whatever is holy. I'll run away from God as I look at my nakedness. I'll run away as far as I could so I will live a life bearing the consequences of my sin but not being guilty about it, as if paying for it my way.

      It consumes me to stay in the presence of the Lord while bearing this guilt. It kills me. The fear of looking on my “disappointed” God makes me crazy.

      Then after sleeping, I rose up and shrugged it off. On my mind, the debate continued. Should I just live again as if nothing happened? Wouldn’t it be like fooling God?  Or should I repent my heart out, feeling sorry all day  for what happened? Would God forgive me faster when I will not let myself be affected of what happened? 

     "You know my heart today Lord. I hate myself for not hating too much what I did. Help me to be genuinely sorry to the point of deciding not to do it again. Help me hate evil the way You hate it. Pardon my case and (I know this would sound like using You but please) be my Savior one more time. I don't know how many times I will pray like this but today please cause me to hate hurting You. I know You died once and for all but let me hate sin this way. I think I have to endure seeing You put to cross again. Now as I write I start feeling bad. It's like you paid for my nonsense temporal happiness by your blood, your precious life. Who am I to do this to You, my Lord? I cannot undo Your wounds but the best form of gratitude may be not to live this life as if You did not die for me. Let me live my remaining days forever thankful for your death  by making the most of time to share in your suffering but not trying to outdo what You already did.