So what's up?

Photo source: http://leadwolf.com/about-us/what-we-do/

      Like any other a-little-above-minimum-wage earner, I am feeling the necessity to look for greener pasture or the temptation to let the couch serve me for maybe a month.
     I am at the point of working without a point. I eat what I earn. That's good but ain't good enough. Living for a year on a survival mode is like wasting time and energy. The company is not paying for my lost time, it is simply paying me for doing my job. For this reason, I want to look for a job that will both pay my labor and my time, meaning, one that can make me survive and really earn to save.
     I am always the type of a worker who never shuts my mouth. I hate it. I always blab about how I feel and what I want to be changed. I kept on spreading updates regardless whether my friends want to hear or not. Anyway, I 've been trying to convince myself that I have to resign for the reasons previously stated. I do this convincing thing through declaration, hoping that I would hear my own words and that these words would sink in.
    I am afraid to let go. I am afraid to waste my time during transition. I know, during that period, I would count the losses I have and regret of supposed profits If I stayed.
     I need to find a higher reason to quit, or should I say, I have to have a higher reason before even considering quitting. If God would not want me to do a thing, then I'll be still. However, if I am certain, that my uncertainty is enough to make me stop, then, it's time.
     In my timeline, a lot of resources have already been kept and not yet invested. In my timeline, I need to pursue my career before having a baby. In my timeline, I have to earn more than before, because I am still young and I have to save more for my future.
     God holds the Time. He is The Alpha and The Omega. He thinks about my life more than I think about it. This life is not my problem, what I need to do is seek Him and ask Him, what I've gotta do, for this very moment, He'll take care of my tomorrow.

Refocus

After a period of coldness, suddenly, this empty vessel reminds me of my nothingness. I wonder how God feels whenever we try to fill this heart with anything but Him. I bet He feels pity looking on me trying to pursue things that won’t really satisfy. More than being jealous I think He feels hurting to see this painful sadness eating me up. He doesn’t want to push me to love Him, He simply knows that only He can make me happy, He wanted to reach out because that would make me fulfilled. God was never selfish. It’s hard to accept these truths. Even while writing this, my mind tells me how self centered the previous sentences were. But that is how God loves, always toward to the object of His affection. I can’t understand.  He stays there, quiet and waiting, while I run away exposing myself to every sort of shame. Lately, God is speaking to my heart not in words I am so familiar of, but in His silence. It wakes my humanity from long slumber. I miss the Lord. I miss my God.

Been out for some time

For this month, life has been tough and rough. Now I am writing again to tell everyone that Jesus is alive. He has worked in ways very surprising.

Stormy marriage occupied and clouded my thoughts. I am being taught about forgiveness lately and it was the most difficult lecture I have heard so far. I mean I am not just hearing about it, I had to learn it through the bruises in my heart. God has made people's marriage really imperfect so we could only look up to Him and say,"Oh I almost forgot, this marriage isn't about us, but about You displaying Your love, Your mercy, Your grace". The moment you forgot about God (in all human relationships) is the moment you actually lose those people you thought you are related with.

There is no human relationship that will truly flourish without the Lord. Nothing. Love binds relationships, God is love, without God, you have nothing to do with each other. You'll just hurt yourselves till you bleed to death.

However, God is not the magic formula so we could get along with each other. God is not only The Source of love, but He is the reason why we love. By that I mean, we need to learn how to consciously love the other person simply because we love Who made that person.
Images from:
http://www.inmagine.com/tt093/tt3602704-photo
http://www.inmagine.com/culs095/culs095928-photo

Funny sistah

After I posted our photos when we were kids, I missed her terribly that I woke up one day and decided to see her at all cost. Our budget may not be enough that time for treating her in a good resto but we had a good time. My husband was so facinated by how we exchange stories of the past and the present. I don't know but whenever we reunite, sharing makes us feel at home in an instant. We don't even care how animated we look like. We freely show our emotions like nobody else is around.  

When the night was over, we were crying as we said our goodbyes. She reminded me, "Dati magkatabi lang tayo matulog no?" Tears started to roll down on my cheeks and they became unstoppable. We both live in the Metro but our distance is exaggerated by lack of chance to meet. I regret that we didn't really grew up together. I was so independent that I don't know if I have influenced my sister to any degree. Our irregular family set up has caused us to stand strong whether alone or not. There wasn't a choice. My heart's prayer is for her to settle down with somebody who God really wants for her. I pray that they would build a family that we never had. I bet God has also a gift for her, somebody whom God will use to let her feel how lovely girl she truly is.

For me, she's still the smartest kid I've ever played with.

Keep your hands off my food!

God tested my kindness. I was extremely hungry by the time I arrived work. I bought a slice of rice cake for my brunch. At the pantry, everybody was doing their personal stuff before the class, I sat on the corner. I took out my fork and said, “kain”. I know that you know this simply means, “I'm gonna have my meal now, excuse me.”

I am very sensitive when it comes to my utensils. My husband and I seldom eat on the same plate and he seldom takes whatever I am eating. I like the way he respects me. My officemates are not like my husband.

I asked one of them, “Gusto mo? May tinidor ka?” (Wanna try? Do you have fork?). Then she grabbed MY fork and tried once, then again, and again, and again. She even asked others to try. I went out of the room pretending that I don't mind. When I came back, one of them told me that she was sorry that MY fork fell on the floor.

I don't know but somehow I felt disrespected. Suddenly I remembered I had offended one of my officemates few months ago. She was having her lunch and I interrupted her. I said, “You told me before that you don't usually eat here at the pantry? But you're here.” I said it in a nice tone. It was actually my way of saying “hi”. But she exploded. She began to say a lot of words I wish to forget. Our 'used to be good' relationship was never the same again after that day. After some time, she confessed that she was just in a bad mood and my comment appeared to be a wrong timing. Lesson learned, never interrupt a person while he/she is eating because hunger drives everyone crazy, literally.

Anyway, getting back to my story, what was left for me was a small slice of my rice cake and my fork with strangers' saliva. Since it's already time to go to our respective stations, no one was left at the pantry. Alone, I said to my self, attitude check? - failed.

ate:)

 I miss my sister.


 

When we were younger, we had no one but each other.

We never felt alone.

 Everything was fun.

 

She was pretty. I was strong. She was attractive. I was sociable. 




We were always excited for our birthday.

We never got insecure.

We fight a lot of times but we still share the same room at the end of the day.

We loved playing with our Tita's make up kit. They were like crayons and water color.

We were competitive.

Back then, we thought we could achieve anything, everything.

now waiting for our latest picture.....

the children and the dogs

Matthew 15:21-28

New International Version (NIV)

The Faith of a Canaanite Woman

 ²¹ Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. ²² A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”  ²³ Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
 ²⁴ He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
 ²⁵ The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
 ²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
 ²⁷ “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
 ²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment. 

These verses were not meaningful to me as they are now. I can hear the desperation on the mother's voice. I can almost hear her crying her heart out while nobody cared. She was utterly neglected, ignored. Her background could have disqualified her from being near the Miracle-worker. Even the people around Jesus just noticed her because they she started to get into their hair. You see, all the disciples could do was to be humans, go by the rules and treat people as to what they deserve. But Jesus is Lord. He went beyond our human tendency to discriminate, He loves mercy.

In the text, Jesus did not say anything at first. Like those days when we were at our lowest and our cries were beyond control, yet no single word form the Lord was heard? After reading it, I can feel the heart of the Lord. He was so into helping the mother but He stretched out her faith at its best. If Jesus just gave away what He was being asked to do, then the mother will get the miracle but not get the whole point of it. When God doesn't say a word that doesn't mean He doesn't have a message. It's beyond words, feel His heartbeat, there you'd find the truth. It beats you. He has your prayers in his heart.

I perceive this event as one of the most powerful evangelism known. Jesus showed what the Law was offering. To make things worse on the sight of many, He even gave an illustration on her position in life. People around may always give us a picture of ourselves lower than we actually are. We may see our feet standing on a wrong ground, miles away from heaven, far from righteousness but hey!. He so longs to save us- both the children and the dogs.  

Laiya-

The one on the left is fish marinated in a very tasty sauce I can't identify. The pansit on the other hand is equally impressive. It has sesame oil all over. The best I've tasted, I must say.

These two may look very ordinary but the looks are deceiving they're actually uniquely yummy.

Welcome to coco grove.. Cocosalad ^^ with langka...

My husband finished this. olofeht! Nothing like Batangas Bulalo.

Barbeque is ok. But the crushed pepper made me feel like I'm home.

Kapeng Barako. Ala eh! Kasarap nire! Just right in taste. Perfect blend.

I forgot what this is.

Longganisa is not sweet that's why I only left two for my hubby. Tapa is a bit sweet.

Kaldereta la la la la la.... With peanuts? nagaraya? I dunno.

I am not so into chicken Popsicle.

Fried fish. One should not miss. It's sour and salty at the same time.

Imperfect form but perfect taste. 

Recycle. Different version.

 

LET'S EAT!

More than an online gossip

 

Welcome Thursday. I closed my eyes and asked God to bless my day. I started to log in... Suddenly, I thought about sending simple messages to my officemates first. I sent a simple “hello, have a blessed day.” One by one, they replied. I knew they felt important that they are remembered. I felt good just the same. Some of them were having a not so good day. They said I was able to cheer them up. Then I realized, I knew God is happy looking at me, saying, “That's exactly what you should be doing in your office”. 

Having an average of 16 students a day, I tend to spend my spare time surfing the Internet at my heart's content. I skim from News to fashion to blogs to travel.. almost every single thing. I check reviews on skin products, best restaurants in the city and the latest updates in Hollywood. More than just information overload, I experience tiredness beyond words. I was wondering why I feel down tired while in fact I'm just there sitting down endlessly moving my mouse. There must be something wrong. I feed my self with trash. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be informed but it's terrible to know everything without putting them to right use, without reflecting after. 

The Word of the Lord really changes everything. I listened to one preaching yesterday and it was about the love of God that compels us to love others . He said, it ought to be automatic like a reflex to help those who are in need. We are supposed to be moved by the love He so freely gave to us. He added that if we are not living this way, there must be something wrong. If we really had encountered the love of God, we can't help but share it to others.He was not pertaining to the ABC of salvation. He was just saying that we need to actually love the person and not persuade him to be part of a religion.

I want to encourage myself and who ever is reading this today. Maybe you will read this months after or years after I write this. God is just telling us to give our best in whatever we do at work but never forget the purpose from which we should move and have our being. We cannot deny the love of God in our lives. You can attest to that. Only you know how much He has done for you. Let's pray that we all have a heart of flesh that could easily respond to His call, whenever, wherever.

Salary Stealer

 

 

I was never fond of riding taxis until I met my husband. Before, I felt more guilty than comfortable while the meter runs like it's in a hurry. It's like saying, hey look, here's your money down the drain. 

Working for a Korean company will challenge you to leave behind all those old habit of grand entrance in school. Who can afford to cram if you will be deducted P500 once the time goes 2:01. Being on a pm shift should have been an advantage.I still fail to come on time all the time, unfortunately. 

Riding on a taxi seems to be an always ready solution to this all time problem of tardiness. I think, if only the taxi drivers knew that I will force them to make a miracle and make their cars fly like crazy, I think they will choose other passengers.

One time, me and my husband went first to the mall to buy my super favorite super taro from Quickly.

It is so.... indescribable. I'll try to post about this next time. Anyway, now that I had my super taro on my hand we went to the fx terminal. The line was too long (very unusual, fx drivers usually wait for passengers to arrive). I checked my time, and I said, mission impossible mode. My husband called a cab. I knew that it was the right thing to do that time.  After a few seconds,  we just saw ourselves passing through the subway. I said, oh no! The driver was on the wrong way. It will be 8 minute-drive if we will take the U-turn so we decided 

 to continue the route he so freely chose.  Then we had our forced field trip to McKinley.

This part of Taguig is one of the busiest from 12- 2pm. Call centers swarm the place and it's lunchbreak. I told my husband to calm down and stop fighting with the taxi driver. Could you imagine them exchanging whispers of anger that they almost sound like they're cursing each other? Guys are really into that.  I was about to say, Hey! am I missing something here? I, not you guys, will be late.

Have you ever felt being stuck in  traffic jam and you have exercised all the faith you have as you pray? You even make a promise to God to just give you this one day and you'll never be late again? Have you ever tried to calm down and not think about the time so you won't get stressed out?  That was what I experienced. Hoping against all hopes that God will stop the time for me.

Then, I took the elevator and stopped on every floor because of employees getting back to office after luncg. I actually pleaded them to move faster but they just look at me as if saying, "you wish!, last time we checked, this is not solely for you."  I wish there were a car that can transform to an elevator.

I rushed to the biometrics and bumped to all those who are in line from AM shift.  I looked to it teary eyed, 2:01. It didn't register. I didn't try again. I was devasted. I shouted sorry sorry to those who are in line, I tried to log in again, it was 2:02.

I called my husband to release my disappointment and regret and stress altogether. He convinced me to just forget about it.  I said to myself,"which of these you want me to forget? The P200 taxi ride or the P500 salary deduction?"

I remembered he already gave me P500 when we were still in the cab. He said, "I already paid for your late, let go". I was like, "Yeah right, you took it from our grocery allowance." Nice try.

Friends

This is my close friend Anne. I call her Ate. We are the only survivors from our batch because she is really smart and I am really desperate to have the job. We were deeply inspired by Mr. Park, he became one of the Supervisors back on our training days. He kept on talking about passion, and we were convinced to stay.

I can talk about anything when I am with Anne. She is one of the best listeners hahaha. But I like it best when she speaks her mind. Being an Ilongga, she's mahinhin and tough at the same time. 

This was taken in a Korean restaurant, which until now, is nameless. Anyway, we had a great time cooking our Samgyeopsal. Forget about wearing some perfume because you'll sure smell like barbeque, no choice.

The one on the right is Gem. She laughs a lot but normally she's busy with her blackberry, which all of us understand. Not to forget, she has very gorgeous vocals. On the left of Anne is Aiza, she is the fashionista of the group. She can wear a simple shirt and woila! -a stunning model.

Well, this is the workaholic member of our gang. Hahahaa. She sleeps 5 hours a day I guess. She has a part-time job so she could finish paying for her expensive car. Warning: Don't argue with her. She'll always win.

Laiya-The Beach

I never thought twice, right after we checked the tree house, I went straight to the beach.

You may find it disappointing to see seaweeds or whatever you call them but I find it really interesting to see them up close.

When I was still a teeneager, I dreamt of this very moment. Beach makes everything romantic, I don't know how.

Instead of me taking pictures, my husband got so into sea creatures that he almost stepped on a sea urchin. Thank goodness to my Biology,I still remembered how it looks like before he picks it up.

It's one thing to see an endless water but it's another to see mountains beside it. It was breathtaking.

Forget about the sexy girls. I learned to love my body, every inch of it is what God gave me so either I take care of it or destroy it with my words of insecurity and disappointment.

I tried to pick up seashells just to get a feel why it's become a beautiful part of movies that I watched when I was younger.